Smallville Minicaps / Season 10, Eps. 13-16

The Smallville season 10 minicaps wants to remind you to vote to repeal the VRA.

Stewart here…

Great news, everyone! Clark and Lois are engaged! And Chloe’s back! This was pretty much the only good news from the last time we left our gang. The VRA cracked down on heroes, the heroes went into hiding, Hawkman was killed, clone Lex escaped, and now a Lionel Luthor from a mirror universe has arrived. And oh yeah, a great darkness is coming, people have Omega symbols on their skull, yadda yadda yadda. So, let’s get back to it…

“Beacon”

Well, we got some troubles for people in this episode. There’s that parallel reality Lionel coming back to claim Luthorcorp from Tess and Oliver (although we should be thankful he does it in a polite way). Then there’s Martha, whose protests of the VRA are putting her in serious danger. And then there’s clone Lex, Alexander, who happens to be gunning for Clark through targeting his friends and family, and unfortunately finds Lionel a helpful dad in that department. Too bad Alexander is all kinds of cray-cray and flips the script, but regains some sanity in time for Clark to save the day. And thanks to Lois and Chloe’s little Internet grass roots thingie, the VRA is repealed, so good news, everyone!

The roof…the roof…the roof is on fire…

–So, somehow parallel world Lionel managed to convince the Luthorcorp brass that he didn’t go ker-splat on the front of his building a few years ago? Well, that’s a meeting I would have loved to see.

–Why do I think Clark is going to regret saving Lionel’s life from that mansion fire in the long run? Also, the Luthor mansion gets torched! Man, first the Talon, and now the mansion? It’s a final season after all.

–Oh, thanks to Tess’ attempt to poison Alexander, we find out he seems to have invulnerable skin like Clark does! Someone’s been playing DNA mixer, haven’t they?

–“I watched your body fall 40 stories. It was the greatest moment of my life.” “Well, what father doesn’t wanna make his son happy?”

–“Lois, don’t worry. I’ve been impressed with you for years.”

“Masquerade”

With the Blur starting to get more attention around the world, Lois thinks its time Clark creates a new identity…of Clark Kent! Meanwhile, Oliver and Chloe’s night on the town becomes a dangerous case of mistaken identity that lands Chloe in the den of Desaad. So, Clark and Oliver head off to save her, and get to her before things get really messy (dude’s making people bleed out of their face!). But what Clark and Oliver don’t know, is now Oliver has that Omega symbol on his head! Ah, nuts.

“Eh, not the worst marking I got. Had an alien burn his crest into my chest, but some skin grafts later, it’s all gone!”

–So Chloe gets the seven deadly sins torture treatment, and I’m pretty sure we missed a couple. Although I wonder where “sloth” would fit in this equation.

–Clark decides to wear glasses for a disguise. Probably would have been useful to do that prior to working in the same building for two years, but…

–So Desaad is locked up, but that still leaves Granny Goodness and possibly Godfrey in the mix. And oh yeah, there’s Darkseid, for those keeping track.

–Chloe says the following to Oliver while both are locked up in the trunk of a limo: “You’re so dramatic.”

–“I feel like I can’t believe you would do this to my jacket.”

“Fortune”

Clark and Lois have some pretty spectacular bachelor/bachelorette parties, or maybe not in this extremely fun episode. They all wake up the next day with no memory of what happened that night, and what they start piecing together isn’t flattering. Like, “holy crap, what chaos did we cause while we were blasted and why is there an armored truck in my barn?” kind of unflattering. The lesson here is: when getting wine from Zatanna, assume the drink is spiked with wild party-inducing magic.

Somehow I don’t think this is the Clark/Chloe hook-up shippers wanted.

–Let’s just run through the list of weirdness of that night: Clark takes an armored truck that a crooked casino owner was robbing (along with his prized lemur), Lois pawned off her engagement ring and lost it to said casino owner, Emil became an Elvis impersonator (with Tess providing extra vocals), and Chloe got married…to Oliver! Awwwwww.

–Something had to be up when Emil and Tess did their sing along, and that discovered tape says as much: they made out in her office. Probably best not to have pre-screened it in front of everyone.

–Well, now I’m going to have a hard time getting the image of Oliver dressed as a showgirl out of my head. And clearly that casino owner will too after making a pass at him thinking he’s a she.

All together: “BEST. BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE PARTY. EVER.”

–Oh, did you know there’s a longer version of that musical interlude with Emil and Tess on the DVD? Yes, I watched it. Multiple times. They’re good singers, alright?

–Emil’s response to becoming an reenactment of that head in a vice scene from Casino: “Oh, I really wish I didn’t understand the physics of this.”

“Scion”

Tess comes to Clark with a bit of a problem: Alexander, now calling himself Conner, needs a mentor to reign in his half Lex/half Clark powers, and might have a capable one in Clark. And while Clark is teaching Conner the facts of life (and how not to set people on fire), Lionel is looking to reclaim Conner with some red kryptonite. Then there’s Lois getting caught spying on Lionel, catching Conner’s red kryptonite infected eyes, and pushing Clark to find his fiancé and half clone. Turns out in the nurture of Clark vs. the nature of Lex, nurture wins.

“Spinoff, right?” Ye-ahhhhhh, about that, Conner…

–Smart move with Tess using her orphanage papers as proof to force Lionel out of LuthorCorp. Reverse fingerprints! Unfortunately, Lionel gets a visit from Darkseid at episode’s end, so it’s not the last we’ll see of this Lionel.

–Conner Kent is being signed up to Smallville High, and look, he has a “S” symbol shirt too! Makes you almost forget he tried to kill Clark and Martha two odd episodes ago.

–Another fun callback to seasons past: Conner’s heat vision activating when seeing an attractive woman (Lois). And hilarious that Clark knows why it’s happening.

–So I guess no one wants to rebuild the Luthor mansion, huh?

–“Why didn’t you have me killed?” “Because I’m not like you.” The “inferior” Luthor hopes the door doesn’t hit you on the way out, Lionel.

NEXT TIME: Clark Luthor traps our Clark in a reality with a really pissed Jonathan in “Kent”, a brazen super hero from the future causes trouble in the present in “Booster”, Clark and Oliver get trapped in the Phantom Zone with Zod in “Dominion”, and Lois gets Clark’s powers briefly while unfortunately under the influence of the Toyman in “Prophecy”.