My Own Personal Hipsterhood

21 Aug

I just got back from the Hipsterhood Webseries launch BBQ in Silverlake and my world just got shattered…. I came in second place at the hipster contest.

I wasn’t even trying to be a hipster! I purposely went through my wardrobe to find a non-ironic shirt, or something that would keep me hidden from the world- I even texted my boyfriend (who is way more hipsterish than I) and asked- IS THIS HIPSTER?! In an almost rabid fashion. He assured me that it wasn’t. Well the boyfriend lied to me. It was. Has my entire life been a lie until now? Have I been absorbed by the hipster culture without even knowing it?!

So I decided to use some google-fu to get some answers. According to Wiki-how, a hipster has the following traits:

Know the non-style style of hipsters. In the mainstream, this section may normally be referred to, as “Beauty Tips” but that would mean that hipsters accept the conventional ideals of “Beauty.”

I don’t… I mean most hipster girls are pretty put together with their hats and cool hair cuts. In my mind a hipster is someone who works overly hard to be cool.

Don’t do your hair. Long Straight/Wavy hair or androgynous cuts are the most common. Side Swept bangs are a must. It is common to leave your hair down in a messy “just woke up” style or throw it into a messy bun. Washing your hair everyday isn’t necessary. Plato didn’t wash his hair everyday.

 Holy crabapples, Batman! The messy bun is my signature look! It’s all I do!

 Don’t follow mainstream nail fashion. While nail companies try to parade women around as Barbies, hipsters reject the norm and instead wear dark or patterned nail polish.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I feel naked unless my toenails are some funky color!

Do your makeup. Why are women encouraged to wear make-up, but men aren’t? Hipsters wear minimal make up, if any at all, as a way to reject this misogynistic mentality. Red lipstick is always appropriate though.

 I like eyeliner but I’m not totally bothered going out without makeup, besides I have glasses that…. help….. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Work on your fitness, but not too hard. Hipsters don’t believe in the athletic ideal. Instead, they spend their time discussing ideas, philosophy and animal cruelty. Thus, Hipsters have a body fat in the single digits. That comes from drinking fair trade coffee and eating organic vegetables. It makes sense though…they are vegetarian or vegan. PBR and cigarettes are the hipster exceptions to the vegan rules.

Hah! I recently just gave up vegetarianism due to needing more protein in my diet because I started riding my bicycle to work….. GODDAMNIT YOU GUYS.

Get tattoos. Getting some ink is a creative expression of one’s self. Unlike most sixteen-year-old Justin Beiber fans, Hipsters get “meaningful” tattoos like song lyrics from a band you have never heard of, quotes from someone “inspirational,” or birds in cages.

Okay! This and the smoking and the PBR thing I don’t have going for me. So hah! I’m only like 83% hipster, you guys! …Which is enough to win second place at a hipster contest…. I guess I’ll go start listening to My Morning Jacket while I wait for the next episode of Hipsterhood to air…. Or whatevs.

2 Responses to “My Own Personal Hipsterhood”

  1. elizabeth ann August 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm #

    I think it’s important that people see the awesome photo of you and your 2nd place prize…


  1. Nerd Party For the Mother Effing Win! « NerdLush - October 2, 2012

    […] *COSTUME CONTEST… so, you can’t really have people show up at a costume party and not have a contest. We had a lovely friend who wasn’t up for costuming but was willing to wear a sash and be our judge. Emily and I provided Leila with an outline, but she was able to come up with categories of her own. The lovely Cate won for Nerdiest (she was a TARDIS), one of the Emily’s won for accuracy- she was a German beermaid, or something similar. The fabulous Mike Henry won for most authentic in his rocker tee (trust me… it counts. Michael D. Henry is an awesome rocker. Google the Unicorn Song by Hard Six). And lastly, our own Emily was named SLUTTIEST in her Poison Ivy costume. (for the record, this is Emily’s 2nd win in a costume contest as she also placed at the Hipsterhood premiere party) […]

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