Save yourself and avoid Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

To start- you need to understand that this post is MY opinion and that if you differ from it, that’s A-OK because we are two different people. Also, I will not be holding back regarding what I’m going to discuss- so assume spoilers will be presented.

Now to the topic at hand- I have seen Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

And I did not like it.

I wanted to like it. But it missed the mark for me. But several miles.

I avoided spoilers, reviews, and any comments longer than a single post on twitter as I knew that with WonderCon last week, I was not going to be able to see until the second weekend. I saw headlines like “record breaking opening weekend” and while I shared those, I didn’t read further- just in case. (Though I had the belief that any money brought in that may have broken any records was more due to the morbid curiosity of audiences than anyone jumping for joy to see it… I’m just saying…) I managed to have only seen one trailer when I went in this weekend. And that was the first long one played in theaters.

Sadly, avoiding teasers/trailers/comments etc did not block my internal dislike. From the time casting announcements started, I’ve dreaded seeing this film.

No, that’s not true. I’ve dreaded it since a sequel to Man of Steel was announced.

MoS was not a “Superman” film. But if you want to understand our thoughts on that… read our previous posts. BvS was not a “Superman” or “Batman” film. It was a badly done mesh of 8 or 9 films, based around a single idea (which should’ve been a joke line and not a serious scene), that felt like something a 12 year old came up with and then refused to alter after every adult said “no”. I mean… I sat there for 2 and a half hours and it felt like watching the second season of Sleepy Hollow– the one that felt like the writers were so excited about having been greenlit for season 2, that they filled it with storylines for 4 seasons and nothing was cohesive.

I do want to say- I know they won’t come to anything, but I’ve signed every petition I’ve seen to remove Zack Snyder from DC films. He should be banned from any comic book film. He should’ve been banned after Sucker Punch.

I’m going to bullet point some of the issues with BvS because otherwise I’ll lose track of everything I want to say. But before I do that- I want to mention that I am by no means the biggest Batman or Superman fan. I don’t collect the comics (though my brother does- prior to the “New 52”- and he keeps me informed on storylines, if I don’t read his books). I’ve seen almost every TV show and film. I’ve read several of the novels. But I do not claim to be an expert- just a fan. This is important because BvS is a slap in the face from DC to all the fans.

• Lex Luthor. A) Jesse Eisenberg is ridiculously badly cast. I would have preferred seeing Kevin Spacey back in the role- and I HATED him as Lex in Superman Returns. He is too young for the role. He’s a perfectly fine actor when the role is right but this was awful. B) From the first moment he’s on screen Lex is unlikable and insane. And not unlikable because he’s a villain- it’s because he was poorly written. The character has no depth. And no, this has nothing to do with the deleted Darkseid storyline. Because even if scenes were deleted, that storyline was so obvious based on the crap dialogue that Lex spewed. Felt like he was trying to channel Heath Ledger’s “Joker”. Lex Luthor is not insane. He’s a narcissistic psychopath, yes, but not insane. There was nothing charming about Eisenberg’s portrayal.

• What kind of moron blames Superman for the deaths of people who were obviously killed with a bullet? I don’t care that the bullets used to shoot them were some new kind of special metal created by LexCorp, the fact that they died by being shot automatically equals Sups not being responsible. Which gets me to-

• What was the point of the ridiculous senate hearings? Yes, I grasp that they needed something to make it clear that Sups was conflicted but holy Swiss cheese… this plot line was stupid and could’ve been wrapped up in 5 minutes with ANYONE walking in and pointing out that the people were SHOT with BULLETS. Done. Next scene.

• Why does Snyder insist that Superman has to be a moody, conflicted, whiny little bitch? This is not Superman. Superman helps people because he can. He worries that he can’t help everyone and someone (usually Martha or Lois) slaps the sense into him that he isn’t a god and he can only do so much. This is why he is a hero that people look up to. He doesn’t kill people. He doesn’t destroy city blocks- he finds a way to do battle somewhere that people won’t be hurt. Because people are important to him. And he sees the joy in the world. Why can’t this be what Henry Cavill’s Superman looks like?

• Illumination is your friend. The first thing I learned in StageCraft class back in high school was that if there is no light, the audience can’t see what is happening in the scene. This is true for TV & Film, too. The occasional black room is for suspense, but a fight scene that’s so dark you can’t see what’s happening makes a film look cheap- like, “you couldn’t afford the CGI to actually show what’s happening? Lame!” And the same goes for regular scenes… I’m pretty sure Lex Luthor can afford proper lighting for the study he meets the senator in- the art on the walls would’ve at least had proper display lighting. Sheesh.

• STOP WITH THE COLOR WASH OVER EVERYTHING. Seriously. Let blue be blue, red be red, and the sky be properly bright. Snyder used a yellow wash in MoS and someone removed it later… totally changed the feel of the film. It’s like… it makes me angry to watch it with the yellow. Yuck.

• Superman doesn’t have a mental illness, please stop trying to make him crazy. Batman may have a bit of PTSD and depression- who wouldn’t after losing their parents that way? But he processes it and channels it into being Batman. Superman has no mental health issues. Yet, in BvS Sups and Bats basically share the same delusions. WTF? And while I’m on this… Lex may have issues caused by Darkseid, but once again- as this is his first introduction, he should not be introduced as mentally ill. And he is. It’s ridiculous.

• How many major comic arcs can we put into one movie? Besides the fact that there are basically all the major movie genres in this film (courtroom suspense, Rom-Com, Drama, Action, slapstick comedy, etc) Snyder also tried to jam the thing with the “Death of Superman” and flavors of “Final Crisis”, as well as the “World’s Finest” arc from the Batman & Superman Adventures animated shows. Oh, and there’s flavors of the “Public Enemies” animated film, too. It’s ridiculous and embarrassing. There was no cohesion. I honestly felt like every scene was a different movie. It was such utter bullcrap, that I was laughing uproariously during the car chase scene. It had just hit a point of insanity at that point. (Oh, yeah, and that reference to “Death in the Family”. Can’t forget to mention that one…)

• Ben Affleck. I actually liked Affleck as Batman. However, the script and direction was awful. A waste of Affleck’s talent. I was not pleased, initially, with his casting but decided to give him a chance. I think that he could be good in the role… he says he wrote a Batman script… let’s see what he did with that, shall we?

• Wonder Woman. Can I have the Wonder Woman solo film now? How about now? Now? What about now? Gal Gadot was fantastic. She had charm and beauty, but also brains- and only has what works out to be like 15 minutes of screentime. She stole the film. And her storyline was the only cohesive one there. And she kicked ass! I seriously cannot wait to see the solo film in 2017.

• Lois is not a damsel in distress. Yes, Lois Lane has a knack for getting into trouble and Sups happening to show up and save her. But she is more of a self-rescuing princess than a damsel in distress, so why does she come off feeling like a damsel in this film?

• “Martha. What? What did you say? It’s his mother’s name”. Seriously? The fact that both their mother’s are named Martha is the thing that suddenly turns the tables and makes Sups and Bats BFFs? That’s the dumbest thing ever. Again, it comes off as a 12 year old thinking they have the most brilliant idea. Which they didn’t. Honestly, if DC really felt they needed to have this as a moment in a film, it would’ve been better as a throwaway joke in a cocktail party scene. That way fans would’ve grabbed it and run with things like, “did you catch that moment?” “awesome!” But now it’s just stupid.

I feel like I’ve ranted enough… I know I had more to say while watching the film, but won’t put myself through it again to try to remember. Maybe it’ll come to me later. Who knows. But for now, I’m going to clear my palette by watching the Superman and Batman: The Animated Series programs. So much better than the crap showing in theaters right now.

(additional information collected by researcher, Barbara)

Tags: Barbara, batman, Batman v Superman, Batman: The Animated Series, ben affleck, Comics, DC, DCU, Gal Gadot, Geekery, Henry Cavill, Jesse Eisenberg, Lex Luthor, Man of Steel, Movies, Nerdtastic Ramblings, Personal, Reviews, Superman, Wonder Woman, Zack Snyder