I hate your guts, Bill Compton!

Ah, True Blood.

See, sometimes I’m told for homework purposes for my gypsy-esque job that I have to watch a movie or a television series. Tough life, right? Well sometimes. See, I’ve never been one for the whole vampire-saga romance bullhonkey that seems to have everybody’s panties in a wad. It’s just not for me. I’m more of a Breaking Bad and Homeland kind of girl. But yet…. here I am. Having to marathon through every single episode. So here’s been my answer to a lot of inquiries I’ve had recently, along with my answers:

Q: Pirate Wench! You owe me a post!

A: But…. Sookie is about to find out that Sam is really a werewolf dog thingy in a complete twist of events! A vampire AND a werewolf fighting over a girl!? So unique!

Q: Wow, you need to shower, babe.

A: But Sookie is about to tell Bill she hates him which will lead to a anguished hour before she forgive him of all his vampire wrong-doing-ness! And then hot vampire sexytimes!

Q: Nobody has seen you in five days. Are you alive?

A: …..Sookie is a fairy?! Who would’ve foreseen that she was a magical being that made her super special to everyone else in the entire universe!

Q: Would you rather fight a horse sized duck, or a hundred duck sized horses?

A: LOLOLOL WEREPANTHERS.

So as you can see, my life is really jam packed at the moment. But since we’re into the reviews here on this site here are my reviews for the first three season I’ve watched so far in brief paragraph form!

Season 1: Lots of broody anguish of “I can’t love him- he’s a vampire! But he’s so dreamy!” And lots of vampire sex. I really didn’t enjoy this season because it felt way too close to Twilight and I hate when every character fawns over one character who is Special. She’s a telepath! She’s blonde! Everyone loves her! Sookie is essentially a living, breathing Mary Sue character and it’s kinda repulsive.

Season 2: More broody anguish, only now we have a second totally-hot Swedish vampire who also loves Sookie, and thankfully the shifter Sam has given up on Sookie. Meanwhile, the entire town is having a blood orgy at Grandma’s house and there’s a church who is creating an army of vampire slayers who can’t actually manage to slay anything. Everything wraps up at Grandma’s blood orgy house and the entire town decides that if they ignore that moment in their lives that it didn’t actually happen. This season I think really gave True Blood the bad reputation of being freaky vampire porn because…. blood orgy. Luckily it wasn’t very Twlighty anymore and took a weird turn towards….. blood orgy.

Season 3: This season was actually good for me. The show realized that they’re pretty ridiculous and decided to have fun with itself. Sookie and Vampire Bill are forever in this push/pull circle of relationship abuse, so once you ignore that and pay attention to everyone else’s issues (Tara gets in with a psychopath vampire, Lafayette gets voodoo freaky with a witch, Sam gets in touch with his redneck Shifter roots, Jason is still a moron) it becomes fun. That or I somehow drank the True Blood punch. Or both. Don’t get me wrong though- everyone in this show is retarded in their own special way (except maybe Sam) but… it’s growing on me.

Two more season to go! If nobody hears from me in two weeks, assume I’ve gone on a spirit quest to Bon Temps.

Tags: Emily, Television, True Blood, Vampires, Werewolves