Expendables 3: Ladies’ Night

31 Aug

Let me just make a disclaimer that I don’t think I’ve actually sat through all of the first Expendables Movie (although I have it in bluray on my shelf…) nor have I seen it’s sequel. But I, being a fan of the action genre as a whole, really really wish there was a female version of this movie.

In Emilyland, the cast would be Signourney Weaver, Linda Hamilton, Pam Grier, Angelina Jolie, Mila Jojovich, Kate Beckindale, Uma Thurman, Michelle Yeoh, Lucy Lawless, and Michelle Rodriquez.

As for the plot (again, not based on the actual films) leaders from around the world convene to stop a known world terrorist of some country and the only way is to infiltrate the women into some kind of male-only-wanker-meeting so (of course- it’s just how these things go) they have to enter as party girls… but then they kick major ass in various foreign locations! At some point there is an awesome car chase scene.  The ladies would all be smart, strong, and asskickin’ and they will have utilitarian costumes (they can be tight for the male audience) but let’s keep them practical, please!

It shouldn’t be a sexploitation film. (Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Bitch Slap- sexploitation films have their time and place.) It should have that 90s charm (like Die Hard) with ridiculous amounts of blood, carnage, car chases, (I want adrenaline action that rivals Crank!) in some kind of amazing heist (a la Oceans 11) and the ultimate end goal of saving the day and ending with some major kick ass song by Joan Jett.

So riddle me this, Lushers (Lushies? Lushites?)…. what would you want to see your in the ultimate female ass-kicking action film?

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7 Responses to “Expendables 3: Ladies’ Night”

  1. TJHooker January 3, 2013 at 8:17 pm #

    screw you for not putting Cynthia Rothrock there! her alone can kick ALL of their as*es! she’s freaking Chuck Norris in skirt!…

  2. Dawgreen September 3, 2013 at 7:03 am #

    Where the fuck is Dame Helen Mirren ?

    • elizabeth ann September 3, 2013 at 7:14 am #

      An interesting question… perhaps Emily had her as a the secret weapon… better question- why is this not the actual cast of Expendables 3?

  3. Gadagost December 15, 2013 at 11:52 am #

    No Cynthia Rothrock?????? Are you nutzz??!!!!

    • elizabeth ann December 15, 2013 at 12:38 pm #

      I can absolutely guarantee that the author of this post has no clue who Cynthia Rothrock is and thus, yes… she did not make the list. But I’m sure if the author took a look at some of the titles on imdb, she’d be added. Probably.

  4. Tyler Phillips August 13, 2014 at 9:25 am #

    Sarah Michelle Gellar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

    • elizabeth ann August 13, 2014 at 5:19 pm #

      most of the Expendables are older, seen as washed up. Sarah is still young- comparatively. unless you think she is washed up…

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