SMALLVILLE Minicaps / Season 7, Eps. 17-20 and Season Seven Highlights

The Smallville season 7 minicaps would like to apologize if you don’t like these last few episodes. It was the Writer’s Strike that did that.

Stewart here…

Let’s just get the big news out of the way: LIONEL WAS KILLED BY LEX! Lionel and some of his high-society buddies were involved in a group called Veritas, who worshipped a “Traveler” from space (hint, hint) and now Lex has turned to patricide to find out the identity of this “traveler”. Meanwhile, said “Traveler” Clark Kent loses two women in his life when Lana is left comatose by Brainiac and Kara leaves with Brainiac to who-knows-where save Lana. Oh, and Lana’s is STILL zombified, so so much for that agreement.

“Sleeper”

Leave it to Jimmy to bollock things up for Chloe as she’s hacking into top-secret places to help Clark find Kara, and then having the government asking him to spy on her because they think she’s a terrorist. Also, Lex gets to go to Switzerland to open that box related to Veritas, and survives an attack by some mystery assassin. And what’s Clark doing? Well, keeping eyes on Lana. Dude, you got a lot of other problems than a comatose girlfriend to deal with.

This remake of Casino Royale with Jimmy Olsen as James Bond will certainly make me feel pain when watching him get his balls pummeled by Madds Mikkelsen.

–Clark hears a transmission from the fortress from Kara. By the way, it seems where is Kara is not a question of where, but when, being back when Krypton was still around. Sigh, yeah the kryptonians mastered time travel, but clearly not a way to leave a dying planet.

–Lex is nice enough to help Jimmy save Chloe from being investigated further by the government, because it’s not like he’s going to hold that over his head. Oh wait, he does exactly that.

–Lana’s still comatose or whatever she was thanks to Brainiac, in case you cared.

–“I went to a Halloween party once as James Bond and everyone thought I was the Maitre D”.

“Apocalypse”

Clark wonders if the world would be better off without him, and gets his own It’s A Wonderful Life trip into a world that never had him…and its complete crap for everyone. Luthor is president, Brainiac is his advisor, and Clark’s friends aren’t faring any better. Yes, this is all a simulation Jor-El makes to show Clark the error of thinking Earth’s better off before Clark has to go back into the past (Krypton’s past, that is) to save Kara from Brainiac. It’s a packed episode, and maybe too much so, leaving Kara’s rescue (and saving baby Clark) from a dying Krypton as barely an act to start and end.

“Now remember, baby me…avoid Lana Lang…avoid Lana Lang…”

–I’m just bummed we couldn’t have a whole episode set on Krypton instead of Jor-El (yet again!) meddling with his son.

–Also, Kara doesn’t seem to be quite normal after her time in the past. Well, we get to the answer to that later…

–Sheriff Adams is alive in this non-Clark reality. That was a little surprising.

–“You’re not in Kansas anymore.”

“Quest”

Clark and Lex get sucked into the whole Veritas plot big time when Lex gets some kryptonian symbols carved onto his chest. This leads Clark to discover the only remaining Veritas member left, Edward Teague, who decides upon meeting the fabled “Traveler”, to kill Clark and Lex. Man, its hard when your idols disappoint you, and you’re so upset you carve alien symbols onto their chest. We’ve all been there before, right?

This is what happens when you do your own self tattooing without researching it on the Internet.

–So now Clark knows Lex is going to use the kryptonian device to control him, and still, DOESN’T STOP HIM. Huh?

–Speaking of which, nice thought of Jor-El to make a device to control Clark in case things go bad, but bad planning in that Lex gets to be the lucky guy to do that. Jor-El’s batting 0 for 3 in dealing with his relatives from beyond the grave.

–Robert Picardo is always a welcome sight, even as he’s carving up Clark’s chest on some kryptonite altar.

–How Chloe is able to use Oliver’s jet to get to Clark: “Fringe benefits of being a hero hag.”

“Arctic”

Its season finale time, and time to play “How Bad of a Place Can We Leave Everyone In Until Next Season?” Well, let’s go down the list: Lana comes to and decides to break-up with Clark (via videotape, no less), Chloe is arrested by some shady government types, Kara is revealed to actually be Brainiac while the real Kara is stuck in the Phantom Zone, Kara/Brainiac gets Lex to piece together what Clark really is and head to the Fortress, and then Clark takes down Brainiac (that pesky “no killing people” rule doesn’t apply to machines!). Unfortunately, Clark gets to the Fortress in time for Lex to hook up that kryptonian doo-hickey and have the fortress fall down around both of them. So, the device worked, I guess?

Lex: “Clark, just to be clear, this entire building falling down on us is part of that device I just plugged in, right?”

–Well, say goodbye to any regular appearances from Lex and Lana in these minicaps, as the actors would pop up very briefly in the last few seasons.

–Say hi again to Robert Picardo, and say goodbye to him in that cold open, where “Kara” sends his jet plummeting to doom.

–I should say, Lois seems to be doing just fine out of everyone in this season finale. She’s even there to console Clark after getting Lana’s break-up video.

–There’s never anything more unpleasant than getting a break-up note via a recording. Good job, Lana.

–“I must admit, Clark. This is a big step up from the barn.”

So before we leave season seven of the Smallville minicaps, let’s take a look at the best and worst that we’ve seen this season:

BEST EPISODES: “Bizarro”, “Blue”, “Persona”, “Descent”

WORST EPISODES: “Fierce”, “Action”

BEST METEOR FREAK THIS SEASON: Chloe. Congratulations, Chloe, you win the award for the first time!

LESSONS CLARK LEARNS THIS SEASON: Having relatives is a pain, to teach and to pummel; having a girlfriend who knows your secret isn’t all that bad; your dad’s computer program really sucks at teaching people lessons; and STOP AVOIDING YOUR DESTINY BECAUSE JOR-EL WILL KEEP BOTHERING YOU ABOUT IT!

WHY YOU SHOULD HATE LANA LANG: Manages to fake death and STILL comes back to town like its nothing, sleeps with your bizarro clone, and breaks up with you via a “Dear John” video. Good riddance.

WHAT HAPPENS FREQUENTLY IN SMALLVILLE: People being kidnapped and shot. Where are the cops here?

WHO SHOULD CLARK HOOK UP WITH: Lois. Even less of a problem now thanks to Lana hitting the road.

HOPES FOR SEASON EIGHT: Well, you made it better by ditching Lana, I’ll tell you that much.

SEASON SEVEN ANALYSIS: Season seven might be the weakest season of this show so far, although in defense, its not entirely its fault. The season started out quite well, but got a little convoluted when coming to its final few episodes. This is probably due to the looming Writer’s Strike of the time cutting into the schedule of the show. At one point, it looked like “Veritas” might have become the season finale, until the strike ended, giving the opportunity for some more episodes to wrap up the Veritas storyline.

The problem was, they had to pack a lot of story which involved the last seven seasons of the show into a compressed amount of episodes. The upside were episodes like “Descent” which took Lionel out, and the last two episodes, which ended developers Miles Millar and Alfred Gough’s run on the show. Either because the series was renewed or creator burnout, the season finale feels a bit weak, even as it takes two of its biggest players on, and two of its biggest players off the field. On the other hand, the future of Smallville seemed wide open from here. And that would lead to a slightly different setting and status quo for next season…

Lois: “Clark, did Lana leave you? That’s so…um…” Clark: “Sad?” Lois: “Yeah! Sad. That’s what I meant to say. Saddddd…”

NEXT TIME: Season eight of the Smallville minicaps kicks off with the Justice League (and a new adversary) trying to find Clark in “Odyssey”, Clark deals with his new job and a bombing in “Plastique”, Oliver Queen gets poisoned in “Toxic”, and a superwoman wants a Kryptonian lover but finds Jimmy instead in “Instinct”.