SMALLVILLE Minicaps / Season 5, Eps. 17-20

14 Dec
Smallville season 5 minicaps broke up with Lana Lang to protect her.  Yeah, that's the ticket.

Smallville season 5 minicaps broke up with Lana Lang to protect her. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Stewart here…

With Clark still reeling from Jonathan’s death, he decides to end his relationship with Lana.  Which wouldn’t be so bad, except she is looking to deal with this through Lex.  Meanwhile, Lex has found Milton Fine and is helping him prepare for an alien invasion.  Did I also mention Mr. Fine is the source of said invasion?  Well, let’s see what happens now…


Lana deals with her break-up with Clark in a rational and sane way that comes with the show…and that is by going all Flatliners with some medical students and a kryptonite cocktail.  What?  That’s sane.  Anyway, she wants to get closer to death so she can spend time with her dead parents (because apparently she can’t get that from visiting their graves anymore like she used to several seasons ago).  Plus, both Clark and Lex have a near-death experience with that substance too: Lex sees his mom, who’s a bit ticked her visit to him in “Lexmas” didn’t have the proper effect; and Clark sees Jonathan, who warns him Lionel knows his secret.  Ghost advice is a little hard to take seriously, you know.

"Dad!   How've you been?"  "Its great in the afterlife, son.  Get to relax, kick back, jump cars over chasms and swamps...just heaven."

“Dad! How’ve you been?” “Its great in the afterlife, son. Get to relax, kick back, jump cars over chasms and swamps…just heaven.”

–Why Chloe is a bad roomie: she’s kind of suspicious Lana has been coming back to their dorm room recently looking like she came out of the final reel of Requiem for a Dream.  The zombies on The Walking Dead look better than she does by the end of this episode, Chlo.

–Hey, it’s always nice to see Jonathan back, even if it is as some near-death hallucination/warning.

–Yeah Lance, because when I think of a Nobel Prize and a big pharmaceutical paycheck, I think “kryptonite laced drug that can give people near-death or likely permanent death experiences”.

–Clark and Chloe find out Milton Fine is still alive in Honduras, or was, because he’s already left by the time Clark shows up, along with the spaceship.

–Stop trusting Lionel, people, Martha, Chloe, etc.  For the love of…how hard is that to remember?

–What might be a typical response to Chloe popping by any door, let alone a dorm room door: “Lana warned us her roommate was nosy.”


A troubled orphan girl ends up at the Kent farm, and she has some problems she brings with her, like her telekinetic powers and her equally dangerous telekinetic real dad.  The former is something she’s not in complete control of and the latter wants her back in his life, no matter what.  And, Lana is getting real cozy with Lex, which is bothering Chloe quite a bit.  I’m sure it bothers us watching when she struggles over whether to start a relationship with him.  Most of us have seen season six, right?

–Whenever I see Maddie’s dad, I keep thinking of Leoben from Battlestar Galactica, and how he’s going to tell her she has a destiny to find Earth or something.

"Ok, ok, you're not Kara Thrace, and you don't have a destiny!"

“Ok, ok, you’re not Kara Thrace, and you don’t have a destiny!”

Martha asks Lois to be her chief of staff.  You know, excluding the arm injury this episode, she seems to be doing better than everyone else as of late.

Really, Lex, I don’t think you want to be putting yourself up as the expert on stable relationships when arguing with Chloe, do you?  And Lana, are you forgetting the whole “I dealt with a break-up by dabbling in some near-death science experiments” from last episode?  I’m just saying, no one’s the authority on stable relationships in this scenario.

–I wear glasses, and watching the poor deputy’s glasses break into his face thanks to Maddie’s dad was something I could’ve lived without seeing, thank you.

–Lois reassurance and slightly depressing statement to Maddie: “The best times I’ve ever had were way out in the boonies, as far away from breakables as possible.”


Lionel has trouble when Jigsaw from the Saw movies, um, sorry, faux-Jigsaw wants to play some deadly games with the elder Luthor.  Then things get worse when faux-Jigsaw involves Martha in the chamber of horrors Lionel gets trapped in.  On the plus side, we don’t get any epilepsy causing editing, severe mutilation, or guys in pig masks.  Afterwards, Clark confronts Lionel about what he knows and Lionel makes clear he wants to keep Clark’s secret as to not hurt Martha.  How suspiciously noble of him.

–And we haven’t even brought up the headaches Lionel’s been having that bookend the episode.  More to the point, how they seem to be getting worse.  We’ll get more into that by the end of the season.

–Oh, and faux-Jigsaw happens to be an employee of a company Lionel sunk during a failed takeover of LuthorCorp from Lex.  He also was quite unhappy to hear Lionel survived his elevator plunge.

"I want to play a game: watch all the Saw movies in a row to live or run that hook through you..." (cue Lionel running himself through immediately with hook)

“I want to play a game: watch all the Saw movies in a row to live or run that hook through you…” (cue Lionel running himself through immediately with hook)

–Chloe, not to suggest your idea that Lionel’s turned over a new leaf is wrong, but didn’t he try to have you killed a season or so ago?  Just saying.

–Lex just wants to play chess with Lana, and not get involved with her.  Suuuuuure.

–“Powerful men, son.  We attract the occasional lunatic.”


Clark saves a guy from being hit by a car, which is noble, until later when he discovers the man, Graham, is an assassin who can make himself invisible.  During all of this, Clark finds out about Lex and Lana, and obviously, he’s not happy about it.  While Graham feels indebted to Clark, he decides help our young Mr. Kent in numerous ways, like helping Clark get Lana back…by killing Lex.  Apparently most of us aren’t alone in our horror of a possible Lex/Lana relationship.

–Despite Lex being in the hospital after that attack from Graham, he’s able to send some e-mails to Milton Fine about a “compound virus being ready”.  Probably for the best the NSA wasn’t in full surveillance mode then.

–By the way, Lex is a real lucky shot with that fatal gut wound to invisible Graham.

–Apparently that’s another Lois relationship gone bad with ol’ Graham being a invisible psycho.  Good thing Martha’s there with that pep talk about finding the right guy (“hint hint, my adopted son, hint hint”).  And Lois’ response to hearing Graham’s a contract killer was spot on.  “Of course he is.”

Did we need a scene of Lois working out?  Not really, but thanks anyway.

Did we need a scene of Lois working out? Not really, but thanks anyway.

–Lana finally tells Clark about her seeing Lex (which would be fine except he kind of stumbled onto them making out earlier), and tells him to butt out of it.  Alright, Lana, but I’ve seen season six.  It doesn’t fare well for you.

–Good word of advice: when dealing with someone who can turn invisible, never talk about too personal things around others, like say, your weakness to kryptonite, Clark.

NEXT TIME: Season five of the Smallville minicaps ends with some highlights of the season, but before that happens, Clark gets a mission of murder from Jonathan’s “ghost” in “Oracle”, and finally, Clark has to fight a Lex-possessed Zod to the death in the season ending “Vessel”.

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