Stewart here, and be warned of spoilers within…
Some big news from our last time in Smallville: Martha’s pregnant! This is a shock to her as well as everyone else because she shouldn’t be able to have a child. That might have to do with Clark’s spaceship and its regenerative power thing, which comes in handy when her and Clark almost die from exposure to meteor dust. Also, Helen finds out Clark isn’t normal and keeps that bombshell piece of information away from Lex. Speaking of bombshells, we get to some BIG ones dropped early on in this installment of minicaps…
Clark’s been having weird dreams about the ancient caves, waking up in places not his home, and it has something to do with that octagonal disc. Well, he uses it in that slot in the caves, and gets a slight boost up reading the alien hieroglyphics. And all this leads to him meeting rich recluse Virgil Swann (a former Superman himself, Christopher Reeve) who has information that changes everything for our teenage hero. Besides being one of the best episodes of the season, “Rosetta” is also one of the best episodes of the entire series. We learn about Krypton, it being gone, and that message from his real father that is not exactly reassuring as to why Clark was sent to Earth. If there’s an essential episode list for Smallville, I’d say this is at almost the top of it.
–In subplots we should at least address, Chloe got a bit peeved at Lana for seeing those not quite erased spring formal photos from the season premiere. But everything’s cool between them…for now. Hey, Chloe made Lana her honorary sister on her family tree, which…well, that kind of fuels my Lana Lang, Overachiever rant banks.
–Dr. Walden gets left catatonic by using the disc on the caves. We’ll come back to him later on in the season when he’s in better health.
–I just realized something: with all the parents we’ve seen of Clark, Lana, and Chloe, we’ve never seen Pete’s parents. Not important by the way, I just wanted to point that out.
–Now be honest: who didn’t have a slight nerdgasm when that great Superman theme music pops in?
–Who doesn’t love Jonathan for standing by his son in that climax by reassuring Clark he’s not an evil monster, and then to see that final look in his eyes where even he’s not sure what’s going to happen.
–If appearing on the side of the road and being found unconscious in the caves wasn’t enough of a red flag for Lex to keep an eye on Clark, that delivery guy of Swann’s finding Clark in the hospital would’ve done it.
–I almost forgot the DVD has that PSA at the end with Reeve and Tom Welling. Kind of fun to see.
–Clark: “Can I tell you a secret?” Lana: “Well, that’d be a first.”
–“It says ‘This is Kal-El of Krypton. Our infant son, our last hope. Please protect him and deliver him from evil’.”
Clark’s recent excursion into his past has left him a bit open to some wild ideas, like a fellow student’s belief that he is also an alien trying to get home. And this kid, Cyrus, does have some superpowers too, so Clark thinks he’s maybe found another survivor from Krypton. The truth is nothing like that at all, but its still enjoyable to see what Cyrus’ secret actually is. Also, Helen gets keys to Lex’s mansion, except that secret room where he’s got all that meteor-related and Kent-related research. Probably not a good idea to show her that, Lex.
–This episode actually marks the first time someone actually says “kryptonite”. And at least its asked if it spelled with a “c” or a “k”.
–Its kind of a nice turn to see Cyrus does have the ability to heal from being exposed to the meteors, and that the whole fire stuff was an illusion he created practically.
–Not sure that we needed the whole Cyrus’s bullies escalating their campaign of terror to the point of trying to destroy his makeshift transmitter tower, even if it did serve to show Cyrus was just delusional.
–In slightly related Lana related news, she almost lost Whitney’s horse to illness and just not having a stable for it to live in. Good thing Clark stepped in with a home and Cyrus with the healing part. Who hasn’t Lana lost and didn’t run off from her life this season, anyway?
–Lex’s response to all the Kent research: “They’re an interesting family.”
Sometimes helping Lana deal with normal people leads to its own problems, like Clark helping stop some drunken patrons at the Talon getting him arrested by the new town sheriff. Besides doing community service, then he’s served with a lawsuit over his beating of one of the drunken frat boys. And in the Lex department of news, Helen gets stalked by a former med school student who won’t stop until he has her. When that stalker strikes, Lex goes all Death Wish tryingt o hunt the stalker down. Good thing Clark agreed to help/keep Lex from killing someone.
–Did we really need that groaner “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” joke? Egh.
–Yeah, Paul is next-level crazy and that whole smashing his head into that mirror is pretty twisted. And really, after you do something that messed up to Helen, I wouldn’t be surprised Lex was going to go off the rails to kill him. Of course he didn’t kill Paul in the end, and he still proposed to her. What could go wrong there?
–Lana beating down that frat boy wasn’t all that unbelievable, but it did stretch reality a bit.
–“It’s not everyday Lana Lang saves Clark Kent.”
–“You’re lying. You said you made a good cappuccino. This is a great cappuccino.”
Clark runs into some kryptonite powered robbers, one of whom is a star athlete in Smallville High. The problem is, how can he fight guys with enough power to actually hurt him? Also, Chloe’s a bit ticked off that Clark drops everything for Lana, which probably makes her hearing an offer of help from Lionel to be very interesting. And she’s probably not in the best condition to see Lionel may have intentionally wrecked the Torch to sweeten the deal. Oh, poor Chloe.
–Lana’s calling a “time-out” on her father/daughter relationship so Mr. Small can fix his marriage. Well, unlike many of Lana’s loved ones throughout the series, Mr. Small didn’t just leave or get killed by a meteor, so I believe that’s what we call “progress”.
–Some people in high school would appreciate large type lunch menus is all I’m saying.
–Once again, why did Lionel make that kryptonite into bricks again? Oh well, at least Pete buried most of them in the forest. Like that couldn’t…oh, its going to go wrong somewhere, isn’t it?
–Patented Lionel dick-ish move: he’s not remembering Helen’s name…intentionally.
–Well, at least Lionel’s offered to fix the Torch up after it got trashed. Of course, he didn’t say he did it to Chloe, but…
NEXT TIME: We end season two of Smallville minicaps with a review of the season, but before that, Lana is visited by an childhood friend who shouldn’t be alive in “Accelerate”, Clark is being hunted by a superpowered nemesis in “Calling”, and Clark’s fight against destiny results in horrible consequences in “Exodus”