At the end of a rocky last season, things were looking up for Clark. Lana knew his secret and was all cool with it, Chloe was coming to terms with her meteor powers and her relationship with Jimmy, and the Phantom Zone escapees were all but found. But we ended this season on everything going straight into the toilet. Lana gets in a car explosion, Lex is arrested for her murder, Chloe saves a fatally injured Lois at the cost of her ending up near dead, and the last Phantom takes the form of Clark. Did I mention almost all of this happens at the local dam, which is coming apart? Let’s see how everyone gets out of this mess…
Everyone’s dealing with the Reeves dam disaster in their own way. Clark has to track down Bizarro Clark with John Jones before he causes any more damage, Lois has to deal with Chloe being declared dead before she’s anything but (it’s a long story), and Lex is saved by a mystery woman in the water who can fly. Oh, and Lana’s still dead, and Lex is turning himself in to the authorities to face charges for her murder. Also, Lana’s not really dead. So, um, that complicates things.
–Oh yeah, and Lionel is dragged away by someone by the river…for some reason.
–So here’s Chloe’s day in a nutshell: saving Lois’ life with some meteor power, being declared legally dead before awakening in the morgue, and then finding out Lana is dead. Puts your bad days in perspective, doesn’t it?
–Lois’ crack investigate skills at work: not piecing together Bizarro Clark isn’t real Clark, and chalking Bizarro Clark making moves on her up to Clark being under a lot of stress.
–So Bizarro Clark gets taken by John Jones into the sun. I’m sure Clark would’ve done the honors…IF HE COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO FLY!
–Actually, Chloe can sum up the no flying aggravation I have: “This guy can fly? God, Clark, you gotta get on that one.”
Clark meets his older cousin (who thanks to the miracle of suspended animation, is actually now younger than him) Kara, and they team up to recover the ship she arrived in all those years ago. Not necessarily recover it for sentimental value, but because it has a self-destruct that could vaporize Smallville. Besides that town-ending situation, Lois becomes an interest to the new editor of the Daily Planet, and Lex wants to find Kara, finds Lana in hiding, and talks about how he forgives her that whole “framing me for murdering you, when it was actually a dead clone of you that was blown up, and running off to another country” thing she put him through. Yeah, he forgives her for THAT.
–OK, let’s just get to why I call shenanigans on this whole Lana scheme: she steals a clone of hers from a secret lab she shouldn’t know about, a clone that might be the reason for her faked pregnancy and created for…some reason, then magically times it so it gets blown up in her car, and she escapes all while Lionel witnesses what happens. This is probably more convoluted and implausible than the explanation to the series 2 cliffhanger of Sherlock. Oh yeah, I went there. Tell me I’m wrong.
–Hey, a cleaned up Tig from Sons of Anarchy has Kara’s crystal. Hard to go wrong with Kim Coates in a guest starring gig.
–Jor-El warns Clark about not trusting Kara, since his father Zor-El, Jor-El’s brother, was kind of a dick. What, bigger than Jor-El?
–Awww, Chloe feels left out of the Grant Gabriel love at the office. And he had the nerve to make a veiled jab at her days at the Torch. I hate this guy already.
–Kara’s confusion about the now older Clark: “He’s a sweet chubby baby who laughed when you tickled his feet.”
Kara wants to blend into life among humans, and more specifically, get Jimmy Olsen’s attention…so she goes out for a local beauty pageant. Well, Clark did want her to blend in, but this may not end so well with the competition meeting suspicious ends thanks to a few kryptonite-infected vixens. Also, Lana comes back to Clark, but would like to keep that on the down low, because of that whole pesky “I framed someone for killing me and that’s illegal” thing. And Lex thinks Kara can redeem him from his evil ways, because Lana clearly didn’t do the job. Well, maybe Lex won’t trick her into marriage with a fake pregnancy and make a clone of her, right?
–Jimmy’s back! And Gabriel’s still a jerk! At least Chloe’s not dead, so, there’s that.
–Hey, Smallville finally has a sheriff since season 5. That must have been a hard slot to fill, seeing as how the mortality rate of cops there is worse than any major city.
–Before you think we got past all the drama with Lex and Lana, we find out Lana stole 10 million dollars from Lex before she faked her death. So much for bygones be bygones.
–How about we just forget about that whole subplot about our meteor vixens stealing gold, and let’s focus on that mystery kryptonian artifact from a hundred years ago that was found.
–I will say, seeing Lana not be all judgmental about Kara being kryptonian was somewhat reassuring.
Neurosurgeon Dr. Curtis Knox offers a solution to those infected by meteor rocks, but its all part of a lethal experiment to bring back his dead love. Too bad Chloe doesn’t know that when agreeing to be treated by Knox, leaving Clark to find her with the help of Lex Luthor. Since Lionel is still MIA, I offer up this thought to Clark and company: seriously, don’t trust Lex. Also, you may not want to trust Kara, since John Jones brought up Zor-El trying to murder Jor-El and that crystal from her spaceship may be more dangerous than believed.
–So yeah, its Dean Cain, another actor to wear the Superman threads, as the likely immortal Dr. Knox. While we don’t get a Lois and Clark reunion here, the other half of this duo will be popping up before long.
–A nice callback to season one’s “Drone” with bee girl Sasha being one of Knox’s victims.
–How nice of Lex, albeit to protect his own ass, to mindwipe the prisoners of Level 33.1 so they can move on with their lives. I’d like to mindwipe most of season six if that’s possible, please.
–Weird thing you notice when marathoning episodes of Smallville: If you’re a fan of Chloe being laid out shirtless on an operating table, this round of minicaps certainly should interest you. On the matter of Chloe, there’s some relationship trouble between her and Jimmy, and surprisingly unrelated to Kara’s interest in Mr. Olsen.
–As great as it is to have Lana be far less moody and angry than she’s been for awhile, that she’s quietly buying information to destroy Lex’s operations and keeping surveillance on his mansion points to something bad brewing.
NEXT TIME: Clark gets wrapped up in the filming of a comic book movie in “Action”, Kara remembers her past in “Lara”, Lana picks up some of Clark’s powers in “Wrath”, and Clark is lured into a plot from his dead uncle in “Blue”.