SMALLVILLE Minicaps / Season 6, Eps. 13-16

Smallville season 6 minicaps got its wedding invite and is debating not showing up. Although rumor is there’s a great dish being served at the wedding dinner. Mmmm…

Stewart here…

Well, pregnant Lana accepted Lex’s proposal for marriage, which is great news for Lex, and not necessarily for anyone else. Clark also has discovered a new ally in his hunt for Zoners and teamed up with an all-star super team in their attempt to destroy Lex’s 33.1 bases. So the big question is if Clark will pull a Dustin Hoffman from The Graduate and steal Lana away from the wedding? Um, the short answer is “sort of”, but the longer answer lies here…

“Crimson”

Been a while since we had a red kryptonite fueled story, and this one involves a lipstick with those red rocks as an ingredient. That lipstick causes all kinds of problems for those who get it on them, like Lois being all in love in Clark and Clark crashing the Lex/Lana engagement party. And we all know how bad Clark can be on the red stuff. Plus, Lana has other things to worry about besides her feelings for Clark, like her pregnancy not being normal and getting a big clue as to Clark’s big secret.

–Probably not the best idea to keep that bent wedge in the drawers of your room in Lex’s mansion, Lana. You know there are cameras in that place, right?

–Lois clearly loves Clark. He got a mix CD from her with Whitesnake on it. White-snake, people!

All I’ll say is hopefully that’s not permanent, or Lois may have to invest in turtleneck sweaters for the foreseeable future.

–Jimmy wants a break from Chloe because she keeps protecting Clark. And he’s jealous.

— Considering how messed up the whole thing ultimately ends up, probably not the best move for Martha to attend that dinner.

–“It’s so weird to see her act like a girl.”

–“Is it wrong that I want these chubby cherubs to burst into flames?”

“Trespass”

Becoming Mrs. Lex Luthor ain’t easy, and besides the added media stalking for Lana, there’s someone stalking her with murderous intentions. And there’s also her need to find out more about Clark after that bizarre encounter last episode, which works out well there when she decides to hide out in the Kent farm. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who the mystery stalker is (process of elimination, people), and Lana manages to kill the stalker before almost get killed herself and loses that broken wedge that Clark got stabbed with. So, it kinda breaks even for Lana this week, until you count the fact she’s getting married to Lex.

–Lex is all cool with Clark being at the wedding, if only to rub it in his face he’s marrying Lana.

–Really, no one bothered to do an internal investigation of Lana’s security when NO ONE else could possibly get that close to her?

–Chloe and Jimmy make up, only after Clark makes perfectly clear he just likes Chloe as a friend.

–I’m struggling to find some other stuff to talk about in this episode, so let’s just move on to…

“Freak”

Meteor freaks staying quiet in Smallville are getting abducted and returned with no memory of what’s happened. Chloe finds a blind boy with the ability to identify them, being used by a doctor under Lex’s thumb to kidnap these people. Then Clark and all of us are surprised to hear Chloe gets abducted too…because she’s infected by kryptonite! Duh-duh-duuuhhhhh!

–I don’t know if you read my recap of season three’s “Truth”, but here’s the big question I was having with this episode: what came first, that Chloe was a meteor freak before that episode, or that there were some residual effect that came after her exposure? The former doesn’t work, and the latter is a bit more disturbing to consider. The latter suggests all of Clark’s adventures early on in the show may have infected friends like Chloe and Pete. Um, how is Pete doing anyway, hint hint?

This whole operating table setup seems rather extreme for just removing wisdom teeth.

–Lana hears about Tobias and asks him if Clark is a meteor freak too. He says “no”, and is really shocked. Also, she has no trouble with meteor freaks playing nice, even though a few episodes ago she was all for Lex imprisoning and experimenting on them. I’m just saying, for a pregnant woman (?), it helps to be consistent with people.

–Clark performing do-it-yourself tracker removal on Chloe. Jeez, Chloe gets put through the wringer in this episode, doesn’t she?

–The evil doc has a heart stopping shocker gun. So that’s called a super taser, then?

–“(I told her) the truth. You’re the most normal guy I’ve ever met.”

“Promise”

It’s Lex and Lana’s big wedding day, and a lot of things happen before either one of them get to the altar. So, here’s how it breaks down: Lex accidentally kills Lana’s doctor to keep him from spilling the secret around her pregnancy, Lana finds out about Clark’s superpowers (finally!), and Clark decides to reveal her secret to her, but that doesn’t matter much to stall the proceedings, because Lionel threatens to kill Clark if Lana doesn’t marry Lex. So, in a nice turnabout way, Lana has to hide what she knows to keep Clark safe, and he takes her faux-rejection badly. Ow. Definitely one of the best episodes of the season.

Was anyone else waiting for music from The Green Mile to pop up during this beside me?

–I really like the fractured way the episode is told, sticking to key people’s perspectives in every act and with each one, revealing more as to what’s going on.

–Really, doc, meeting in a crypt wasn’t the best move. There’s plenty of space to hide bodies in there!

–That’s going to be an odd tale to figure out later when someone discovers the wine cellar door at the Luthor mansion ripped off its hinges.

–Hey, Lana’s aunt Nell is still alive. You remember her, right? Anyhoo…

–Chloe’s acknowledgment of Clark failing to get Lana back: “Good job. She’s marrying a monster and trapping herself into a loveless life.”

NEXT TIME: Lois is put in the path of a Zoner in an illegal fight club in “Combat”, Chloe is affected by odd lapses of memory in “Progeny”, Lex and Clark need to work together to survive a chamber of death in “Nemesis”, Jimmy’s concussion leaves him dreaming of his friends in the 1940’s in “Noir”.