SMALLVILLE Minicaps / Season 6, Eps. 9-12

This installment of the Smallville season 6 minicaps is brought to you by…

JOREL hand soap: helping people in psychiatric hospitals stay clean and fantasize about being space aliens with super powers. Use only as directed. Seriously.

Stewart here…

Where we last left Clark Kent was him trying to capture or destroy the escapees from the Phantom Zone. What happened is that we’ve discovered someone else is hunting them too, but whether they’re a new friend or new foe for Clark to worry about is still unknown (but this mystery player does like Oreos for certain). Plus, Lex proposed to Lana, but we don’t know what her answer is yet. And Lionel seems to be a good guy, but really, does anyone reading this believe that? However, read on for answers to all of that and other twists and turns…

“Subterranean”

Migrant workers in Smallville have it tough, and that’s before a creature seems to be keeping them confined to a single farm. Clark wants to help one boy find his mother, and discovers a horrific secret involving, duh-doy, Lex. Well, more to the point, the farmer McNally is a meteor freak that Lex kept tabs on and after getting laid out by Clark, gets sent off to Level 33.1. Oh yeah, that still exists.

–Um, sure you didn’t want to call the police to let them know where McNally was after you knocked him out, Clark? Just saying.

That nu-metal playing Lex out is probably being piped into those 33.1 cells. That’s some evil s**t right there.

–At least Lana had a good idea in helping out those workers on McNally’s farm, even though she was ultimately doing Lex a favor in cleaning up a potential scandal. Lex has never lied to you, huh? Except those video cameras in your room, that whole kryptonian artifacts deal…

–Yep, we had to pull the ol’ “hey, Clark’s an illegal immigrant too” card eventually. At least Martha got the point.

–Jimmy’s not the brightest bulb, especially when he misreads Clark as not liking him.

–“Then I suggest you start digging.” Wah wah waaahhhhh.

“Hydro”

What is gossip columnist Linda Lake’s secret for getting juicy stories? Well, she can turn herself into water, and she’s pretty cold-blooded, so take your pick. When she posts something about Lana’s hesitation to marry Lex, she gets hired by Lex to dig up all the secrets on Lana and Clark. And of course, she discovers Clark’s secret and plans to out him, and gets hosed (or more to the point, splattered over Lana’s windshield).

–I keep imagining we come back from that act break where Lex brags to Clark about Lana’s pregnancy, that we find Lex lodged in a mansion wall. Oh, dreams.

–Lois gets suspicious about Oliver being the Green Arrow, and luckily gets help from Clark throwing her off his trail by dressing up in the Green Arrow getup. That all leads to that nice scene where Lois describes Clark in that getup being a better kisser than Oliver.

This is going to be an awkward conversation for Lois and Clark to have in the future.

–So Lana knows Chloe is aware of Clark’s secrets, and fails to get Clark to tell it. Bad move, Clark, especially since she accepts Lex’s marriage proposal.

–So yeah, Tori Spelling’s Linda Lake, and was expecting around the time this was filmed. Wasn’t going to say anything, just saying that’s the case.

–Really, Linda didn’t back up her shattering expose on Clark? Ok, sure…

“Justice”

Bart Allen pops up in Metropolis, running an operation for Oliver to bring down Lex’s 33.1 project, and he gets caught. Its time for a super team-up to break Bart out with Clark, Oliver, and a few friends, like Victor Stone (Cyborg) and Arthur Curry (Aquaman) to help. Hilarious banter and coolness ensues. Obviously this episode is one of the bright spots of this season, and certainly one of the best Smallville episodes ever. And no Lana this episode helps, too.

Probably a bad idea to walk out into the open like this when a large facility is exploding, but screw it, this is cool!

–Always important to pick a code name before going on a mission. Otherwise you get left with your team calling you “Boy Scout”.

–Lionel’s covering for Clark and still involved in 33.1? Um, conflict of interest much?

–Chloe’s on Watchtower duty for the first time. Oh, and bad news for Lois when Oliver leaves town to destroy more 33.1 sites.

–“You know you’ve got some amazing friends, Clark Kent.”

–“I want a lawyer.” “And I want a ponytail. Disappointment abounds.”

–“Fish jokes. All I get are fish jokes.”

“Labyrinth”

Clark awakens in a psych ward where it seems he isn’t the superpowered man he thinks he is. And also everything else in his life is completely different, like Lana being completely in love with him, Martha being married to Lionel, and Lex being in a wheelchair. And then there’s that psych patient “from Mars” who keeps telling Clark that a Phantom is trying to take over his mind. Well, that patient’s right and it’s the same Oreo-munching super guy from “Static”. A real mindbender of an episode.

–The first full-on appearance of John Jones, the Martian Manhunter, played by Phil Morris. Besides this and some voice work in other DC related stuff, I remember him as Jackie Childs, the Johnnie Cochran-esque attorney from Seinfeld.

–Ok, Clark, I’m aware you’ve just been through a bizarre mindscrew of a time, but bringing up that whole dream of yours to Lana at the end is just really creepy.

–I can only imagine how much work and likely fun there was in littering that psych ward with all those hints to the series up to that point.

Yeah, after some of the messed up things that happened this season, some time off to have a nervous breakdown seems like a good idea.

Yeah, after some of the messed up things that happened this season, some time off to have a nervous breakdown seems appropriate.

–I’ll be honest with you: that droning throughout Clark’s time in the dreamworld (which in a nice twist, sounds like a distorted version of Shelby barking) is creepy stuff. Then I remembered the composer of this episode was also involved in The X-Files. Makes perfect sense.

–“You know, you actually sounded convincing when you said that.”

NEXT TIME: A special lipstick brings out the mad love in Lois and Clark in “Crimson”, someone is stalking Lana in “Trespass”, a kid who can recognize meteor freaks discovers one among Clark’s friends in “Freak”, and Lana and Lex walk down the aisle in “Promise”.