SMALLVILLE Minicaps / Season 3, Eps. 1-4

Smallville season three minicaps are starting, and are still waiting for that red kryptonite ring they ordered on eBay. It better work.

Stewart here, and be warned of spoilers within…

Welcome to another season of Smallville minicaps, where we recount the adventures of young Clark Kent. He learned a lot over the past year, like he’s an alien from Krytpon named Kal-El, and his actual dad Jor-El wants to mold him into our world’s savior or conqueror. We don’t really know for sure because Clark rebels, and throws everything in turmoil. Feeling guilty for inadvertently causing Martha’s miscarriage, he jets from Smallville with one of those red kryptonite rings, leaving everyone wondering where he’s going to go. Luckily for us, you only have to wait until this paragraph ends to know that…

“Exile”

So its three months later, and how are things with the denizens of Smallville? Bad. Jonathan and Martha are trying to keep the farm, Lana’s trying to hold on to the Talon, and Chloe is beginning to regret her alliance with Lionel. As bad as that seems, consider where Clark and Lex are. Lex is stuck on an island after the plane crash, and Clark is under the red kryptonite influence and becoming a reckless super-criminal in Metropolis. Lana and Chloe want to bring Clark back home, but when they fail, Jonathan takes a big risk by going to the caves to get Jor-el’s help. Let’s just say there’s a reason seeing that “To Be Continued” sign is enough to keep you going to the next episode.

If you keep picking on that giant thing, Clark, it won’t start healing.

–Let’s talk about the how we discover that Chloe isn’t all angry against Clark as she was last season: she’s been hiding from everyone where he has been for two months. And you wonder why Lana would be upset she was lied to about that.

–Rutger Hauer plays crime boss Morgan Edge, who appears long enough to entice Clark into breaking into Lionel’s office to steal the blood vial.

–Speaking about the blood vial, Helen seems to have given Lionel the vial for some reason, and oh, her story of Lex sacrificing himself to save her doesn’t give you an innocent picture of our dear doctor.

–Clark’s icky chest scar seems to not want him to have that red kryptonite ring on him. And think of how many shirts he’s ripped into pieces thanks to it.

–So, Lex hallucinated his murderous island buddy? Good thing he was lucid enough to see he was being rescued.

–Chloe’s hair. Sigh. Yeah…

–“Son, you’re coming home with me. NOW.”

“Phoenix”

So in minute one, we get a bad Clark/temporarily super-powered Jonathan fight destroying everything, and ending with the red ring being pulverized. This is the cold open of the episode, by the way. With that out of the way, Clark heads home to find himself trying to rebuild his relationships with everyone, along with dealing with crime boss Morgan Edge wanting him in his employ. Then there’s Lex, who comes home to figure out the truth of how Helen survived the fate that was meant for him.

OK, who left the C-4 in the moving van?

–Hey, Lex is back in time to save the Kent farm by buying the property for them. Yay! And he’s going to work for Lionel now. Um, yay?

–So, Helen is revealed to be a black widow, which seems a bit left field when considering all we invested in her relationship with Lex last season, but her leaving the plane this episode does leave the hint she’ll come back, or at least is going to splatter somewhere over the ocean.

–Good news for shirtless Clark fans: that icky chest scar vanishes, which is fine. Um, I wonder what Jor-el meant by that first test was done and what price Jonathan would have to pay for stopping Clark? That can’t be good news.

–Rutger Hauer as Morgan Edge gets shot in his final scene this episode, and comes back later this season played by Patrick Bergin. I guess a drop into the Metropolis harbor will take off a few years.

–“If my father wanted me dead, he wouldn’t have failed.”

–“Spending three months stuck on a deserted island might have been worth it for the look on your face.”

“Extinction”

Another year of school starts at Smallville High, and it starts with a meteor freak being killed sniper-style. What we find out is one of the students is seeking revenge against meteor freaks for the loss of his dad to one of them, with Lex and eventually Clark ending up in his crosshairs. By the way Chloe, you thought Lionel wouldn’t extort you to stay working for him by dangling your father’s job at LuthorCorp as insurance to do so? Chloe, Chloe, Chloe.

Green bullets isn’t enough of a giveaway to say “hey, maybe I should just dodge this thing instead”?

–So, this kid Van snaps when Tina kills his Army dad back in last season’s “Visage”, and apparently her death by impalement wasn’t enough for his bloodlust. Interesting idea, but not the brightest bulb in the bunch (if you got kryptonite bullets, why not shoot Clark in the head?). I mean, Lana kicks this guy’s ass.

–If I was Clark and I was almost was killed by a kryptonite bullet, I would wear that lead vest FOREVER.

–Chloe’s list of potential Wall of Weird subjects kind of got this mess started, but still, Lionel is still kind of a jerk for locking her system down like that.

–Lana the killjoy really hates meteor freaks. So yeah, good idea Clark to avoid a relationship with her based on that.

–Chloe’s response to being reminded of her almost fatal meteor freak encounters: “Oh, thanks for all the wonderful memories.”

“Slumber”

Things take a turn for the weird in the first act of this episode when Clark meets scared teenager Sarah and everything around him seems off (like, “Lex attacking him with a sword” off). We find out he’s been dreaming the whole thing, Sarah seems to be comatose in real life and popping up in his dreams. And she also needs his help to fight some evil subconscious monster that looks like a red hooded Nazgul. And also, Clark and Lana go skinny-dipping…in his dreams! No I mean, he dreamt the whole thing.

“Come with me! I have so many episodes of One Tree Hill to show you!”

–The look on Lana’s face is pretty hilarious when she hears Clark suggest skinny-dipping again, even though it clearly never happened except in his dreams. It’s the combination of “Wait you want to what?” and “That’s kind of interesting”.

–Oh, and Sarah’s uncle been drugging her all this time to keep her money coming to him. And almost sets Lana on fire. Plus, its kind of a clumsy move on Clark’s part letting the uncle see him in action. Sure he may be nuts, but still kind of clumsy.

–Lionel wants Lex to take therapy sessions to deal with his time on the island. Suuuurrrreeee…

–It’s a fun twist to find out the cold open and first act of the episode is really going on in Clark’s unconscious. Watching it a second time, a lot of weird turns make even more sense, like the new family truck, the Wall of Weird being gone, and Lana’s less than country girl appearance. Also a weird note: lots of R.E.M. songs in this episode.

–Whenever I see The Traveler, I keep thinking of the Grim Reaper from Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.

–“When you’re rich, you’re not crazy. You’re eccentric.”

NEXT TIME: A certain tabloid reporter meets Clark in “Perry”, Clark looks like the suspect in a decades old murder in “Relic”, Lana falls into some mad love in “Magnetic”, and Lex may be losing his mind in “Shattered”.