I stand with you.

12 Feb

Recently, Charisma Carpenter of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fame, amongst others, spoke out about abuse she received from Joss Whedon on the set, in particular during her pregnancy. Because I wasn’t there and don’t know the situation personally, I will only say this- I stand with Charisma.

Why? Because the treatment she describes isn’t uncommon. It happens to women everyday in every field. And I am sick of it. I know she spoke out because she stands with Ray Fisher who went public not too long ago detailing his treatment on the set of the Justice League reshoots. Again, I wasn’t there so I cannot speak personally about his situation, but I don’t doubt him either.

Why? Because that shit happens to BIPOC every day.

Am I saying Joss Whedon is a misogynist racist? No. I have never met the man and probably never will and thus have no ability to do so. However… these are not the only people who have spoken up and about his treatment on sets. And I doubt they’ll be the last. There have been a few other allegations made since Carpenter spoke out, and honestly they hurt to read.

On one hand, it breaks my heart because he created some of my very favorite things. But I already couldn’t watch Buffy because of an abusive sociopath, so it’s really not that big of a deal to have to turn my back on more.

But let me explain why… because I believe victims. Because I am a victim. I won’t go into the full details but one of the things that kept me from meeting my full potential in 2020 was discovering that the person I considered my best friend was lying to me. More than that- he was gaslighting me.

And had been doing it for years.

When things finally started to crumble, it was his lies and excuses that made me start to see it. It was how he was trying so hard to make me see him as a victim of a toxic relationship, that was 100% his creation; every opportunity I made for him to get help, to get away from her, for him to end it, was somehow turned around on me. Making me out to be the villain of the story. I finally walked away on September 1st, 2020 and have been feeling lighter every day. Amazingly, people who he had made out to be evil and the root of his torture, came to me asking if he was the guy I was talking about, and BAM! they shared their stories with me. They told me things that contradicted so much of what he had said over the years. He had convinced me that one of our peers had set him up, had led him to break someone’s heart, but the truth was the complete opposite. I was so angry at her- for over a year- because he had filled my head with such bullshit, but hearing her side of things, and so much more information… I cried about how broken he had made me.

There were entire days where I thought I was doing good, but he convinced me I was wrong. He convinced me that I was toxic and needed to work on myself before saying anything. He made me doubt years of education and training. I doubted my gut. My gut has saved my life from being raped and attacked more than once. And I didn’t trust it because he made me believe I was wrong. I won’t go any further here because this post is not about me but on recognizing that anyone can be a victim and society needs to start listening up. Now that I am out of it, I see the abuse I endured clearly. I see the lies. I see how he twisted things with his words and manner…

So I stand with Charisma Carpenter and Ray Fisher because I will always stand with the victims. I will always help their voices be heard. Because I was drowning until someone stood with me.

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